slowly does it
"The pain had been inflicted once, and the incident could have even been long forgotten by the perpetrator, but it was ME who held onto it. Haunting and hurting myself, over and over.
Of course, it is very very difficult to let go.
Sometimes, we need our feelings validated to help us move forward. Sometimes, even an apology doesn't help, because the pain was so much. "
"Take a step back, and really think. Was it really that bad?
Sure, when the hurt happened, the feelings were real. Rightly or wrongly, logically or illogically, reasonably or unreasonably - we feel the hurt, and the sting of the pain was very real.
But I took a close look at myself.
After suffering the same unhappiness for some time, I have come to realise that the only thing that is haunting me, is ME.
I did not let go of the hurt."
- http://lindachia.blogspot.com
and so i'm letting go. of my hurt and of my despair. there's a tiny part of me that still holds on to the disappointment and the memories. but as i said to awin i've learnt to wallow in sadness for a few minutes and then move on. it's still lingering in my mind, the pain. and i'm always thinking of him. but the funny thing is i don't dwell on the what-ifs too much now. i don't drive myself crazy anymore, bursting into tears anytime a sad song comes on. u2's with or without you was on just now and i promptly forgot about it cos i was too busy chatting on msn (and coming back to my blog cos it's oh so pretty). that's a good sign, i reckon. if that were to happen 2 weeks ago my makeup would have been ruined by now and my sleeves would be wet and i would have run out of tissues already.
so yeah it's all good. i still think my hurt was justified and the devastation i experienced was very real. and we could be good together. but now i say c'est la vie. there's more to life than misery. i don't believe that all the good guys are either gay or married. i told awin i was a dreamer and still am. that's how i'm getting by each day. i dream a lot. of all things wonderful and all the good things that can happen to me. maybe some of you might think that after what i went thru a little cynicism might do me some good. but being cynical is not me. what i choose to be now is a dreamer, balanced with the right bit of caution. cautious, not cynical.
my dear ladies i know what i went thru might be no big deal compared to yours. i mean in your cases we're talking about actual relationships spanning 5 years each. but casting aside all that, essentially all of us when thru the same uncertainties, pain and suffering. i came out of it relatively unscathed and with a few lessons thrown along the way.
i know you're at a stage where the mind no longers plays its part and the heart is given all the control. i've been there. refusing to see the long-term effects and indulging in whatever that gives you bits of happiness to help you get thru the next moments. and not realising that these same bits of supposed happiness are deceiving and leaves you with nothing but more tears in the end because they don't last. but you both know need to know the only thing that's stopping you from getting out of your misery is you. it's easy to spiral out of control and let your emotions take over you. take a step back, gather your thoughts, stay collected. i know it's hard. time has almost healed me and if you only allow it time will heal you too. no doubt it's taking a hell of a long time. you'll get there but as i've said, only if you let it.
i might not be in the position to give you advice and you can dismiss whatever i have said. but believe this:
People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be - Abraham Lincoln.
only if you let yourselves girls. only if you let yourselves.
loves yous.
oh and i love my mummy too. dspite my ranting in one of the earlier entries. i love her. i love my family. and i love my friends. and i know they love me. as john lennon said all you need is love.
and teh tarik.
