pooped
today was just sheer mega exhaustion. friday night i reached home at 1230am after cahaya dinner, starbucks coffee and alleybar rounds. had to be up early the next day to hit the beaches of sentosa with ishak. so off to siloso we went and surprisingly it wasn't as crowded an expected. but lots of school kids around which can be pretty annoying. all their shrieks and shouts when playing captains ball la, bola rembat la, dog and bone..
i went about about my business, getting all burnt and red as a lobster. the sun wasn't that bad. a slight drizzle interrupted my tanning session for a while. left the beach close to 5. unshowered. cos the queue to the cubicles was damn long sia. so i made do with my facial wipes. hurhur. and damn idiot ishak insisted we walk across the bridge instead of taking the bus from the departure centre to harbourfront. penat siak jantan. hello, i'm not a national hockey player like you who trains every single day and therefore a lot fitter than i am. the only form of exercise i have everyday is walking from raffles mrt to my office. tapi takpe. nasib baik kau kawan lama, kabret. tak nak queue up for the bus punye pasal.
then off i went to town to meet jaswant for dinner at es teler. and then met up with the rest at cineleisure before moving on to a coffeeshop behind cuppage. had wayyyy too much red bull, wayyy too much teh tarik and wayyy too much coke. and wayyy too many burps. i was too shagged. couldn't take it anymore so i headed for home and a good shower while the boys went to holland v.
*****
an old friend of mine said this when we were 15, "Whenever i go out my mother thinks i'm getting pregnant."
sometimes i'm forget i'm 22. and that means i'm an adult. sometimes i forget i'm all grown up and not six anymore. and that i'm responsible for my actions and the consequences thereafter.
because YOU refuse to acknowledge the fact. because you make me feel very juvenile. because you still think of me as a child. because you still think i'm a little girl, parading around in her mujahiddin kindergarten uniform.
don't you see. the more you impose your thinking and your views, the more i rebel. and it's getting very exhausting. because i wonder when it is all going to end. when your endless calls when i'm out late into the night and your 'cantik ke anak dara macam gitu' speeches hit the stop button.
and don't you see. i'm capable of taking care of myself. doesn't matter in daylight or night time. someone used to say 'kalau takut takut baik duduk dalam gua.' yes i'm a girl. you always mention that 'anak dara out late at night' thing. but honestly now, what are you really concerned with? that friends or relatives of yours will talk when they see me outside? please eh, i don't care two hoots about what people say and you shouldn't too.
and for gods sake don't compare me with others. i could care less. i'm not domesticated, i'm not the type to spend weekends at the mosque. if i want to change let me do it on my own free will and don't force it on me. there is nothing more that i hate.
i can go on and on non-stop twenty-four seven about all the ways you push my buttons. but above all i still love you cos hey hey what do you know you're my mother after all. and you've your own way of thinking. some days i wish i can talk you about all these cos heck! NOT AS IF YOU'LL READ THIS RIGHT.
it's okay la mother. i'll make do with what i have right now. not as bad as a concentration camp, i reckon. and you're no hitler. all's good.
