i wish i knit
i was on my way to work this morning in the train. sitting across from me was this lady, so intent on her knitting. and a pang of envy hit me.
all she's thinking about is her knitting. so intent on getting a sweater or a bib done. she's not thinking about any matters of the heart. she's not thinking of the emotional rollercoaster she went thru the previous night. she's not thinking about how she has to fight tooth and nails to prevent her tears from flowing these few days. she's not thinking about that aching in her heart. just her knitting. oh how i wish i knit too. then i can knit myself to blindness. temporary blindness la, at least.
why am i so fragile this time round? how come it hurts, emotionally and physically, so damn bad? what's different?
but i'm fine, my ladies. i will get thru this. i'm not entirely sure what 'this' is. maybe it's just a phase. maybe come december all these feelings will be gone.
when i come home from work, all i want to do is hit the sheets and sleep immediately. i cannot afford to let my mind drift off. that's dangerous. cos when my thoughts go into unwanted territories i won't be able to sleep till 2,3 or even 4 am. i can't even watch tv now. cos there will be lapses when i go into hyper-hormonal-emotional-macam-sial mode. i can't remember when was the last time i watched a tv program in its entirety.
but i've discovered something good out of my emo-sessions. that l'oreal double extension waterproof mascara IS REALLY WATERPROOF SEY. tak bedek nyaaaahh. not a smudge okay. melekat ah babe.
why is tomorrow coming ever so slowly. i need emily rose. i need my girls. i need the cam whoring. i need distractions.
class95 is playing songs that awin and i call 'lagu macam sial'. cos they invoke all these feelings in you when you're trying to ignore them. TAKMO KLAKAR AH KAN. cheebye punye radio.
