piqued. so very.
[ soundcheck : lithium - nirvana ]
you exasperate me so much you dont even know it.
you know what. screw you. screw you and your busy life. because no one is that busy that they hardly find the time to reply a simple sms. maybe this is karma biting me back in the ass. all the guys i've snubbed are probably laughing their sorry asses off right saying i deserve all these. i get back what i dish out. but fuck them all. cos it's not about them. it's about you and me and how i need a bottomline and how i need to know how you feel now.
do you know that i've kept all those text messsages you sent me, those beautiful, sweet sweet words you wrote for me? do you know that everytime you send me some mass sms you forward to everyone else on your list, i keep it because i'm afraid that's the last sms you'll ever send to me? i've kept 22 of your messages and everytime i miss you i console myself by reading them all back.
i gambled on my heart but won nothing in return. this heart is very close to being shut off for good. maybe my emotions are getting the better of me. when i think of you sometimes i cant stop the infinite sadness that threaten to suck me into a black hole.
sometimes i think of myself as a great catch. why wont anyone have me. yes, i'm fickle. yes, i might possibly be philophobic. but when i start to inch myself towards having something good going on with someone i'm let down again and again. first H, now you. then i realise, 'come on elii, you're not that great a catch after all. something's wrong with you. you're not that worthy.'
the ball's on your court now. if you ever care enough to give out the first serve. but i'm not sure i'll be on the other side when you're ready. or maybe we're both done. cos maybe you've forgotten i'm even here at all.
