i'm delicate and proud of it
which is better, being too sensitive or being the exact opposite?
feeling too much or ignoring how others feel?
isn't it better to feel, to care, to cry than to not feel anything all? than to block everything out and march on without having a care how others are feeling or hurting caused by your actions?
isn't it?
back in the day i used to pride myself on being in a perpetual state of joy and ignorance. i thought that was what bliss was like. but when i was much much younger, i showed hints of what i have become today. i would cry when balloons burst because i hated the sound. i'd cry when cousins or friends tease me nonstop cos i was hurt they picked on me.
now, aged by tears and conflicts and adult matters, it gives me great pleasure to cry when i need an outlet to vent. to hurt when cuts are slashed deep within me. i cannot stand by and ignore when my feelings are roused by anger, heartbreak and rage.
"sensitive seh eli ni". ouch. when people, or friends say that, i admit, it stings. but these are things that i can't help. i can say i'll try to control my emotions but why would i do that. i'll be lying. i can't control these things. this is me. this is how i act, how i react.
sometimes people don't say it loud but i can tell they wanna go "oh boo hoo what makes your problem bigger than mine. i've been thru far lot worse." see, it's not fair to compare. and it's not nice. you can't judge people that way. it's not like how much you cry or hurt should be directly proportional to how big your issues are compared to others, get what i'm trying to say? i get all that "i could have it much worse" thing. i'm a big fan of that. it's when others turn around and seem to be saying shut up and get over it that i'll start to get a little hissy.
i'm not an overwrought, neurotic basketcase. it's not like i make a big deal if i kill an ant. or if someone accidentally shoved me i'd start bawling right there and then. you don't have to tiptoe around me. i can dish out mean jokes and take some back. i feel a little more than others, that's all. what's so wrong about that? what's wrong in indulging in my feelings? what's wrong with letting feelings consume me when i get hurt?
what's wrong with having a heart, i say.
** this post wasn't a rant at anyone in particular, i assure you. just things i've been thinking about. not angry at anyone. jangan sensitip. harhar. TOPIC CLOSED.
