i dont believe in love
and i'm talking abt the romantic kinda love. love only exists in families and friends. as of now, i believe there's no such thing as true love or soulmate. i'm done finding love. i'm done trying to date. if there's someone out there for me, so be it. what the hell is love anyway. i've seen how love made my friends crumble. how they waste their tears. how they waste their time feeling frustrated and feeling fucked up.
my heart was sewn up ages ago. when i thought he was the one. now i'm facing the prospect of never seeing him again. ever. my heart still bleeds. it bleeds because everytime i try to look ahead, he comes back to haunt me in my dreams. i think of how he used to sing for me on the phone with his guitar. i think of how easily we slip into conversations. i think of how he rejected his ex and instead chose to spend time talking to me. i think of those times he was bored at work and would call me up. and i think about the time he asked me out and i turned him down.
3 years go by and i still cry at night, crying at all the what-ifs. i thought i was over him, i really thought i did when i saw him with his gf. i thought i could finally close my chapter on him. but he's cruel. he wouldnt let me move on and now thanks to him, my heart is effectively closed.
as of now, i'm no believer of love.
